when there is nothing to say

Chapter two and I already feel like I’m flailing a little bit.  Not sure I have enough to say to fill a page or two with enough to keep everyone, anyone(?), entertained or at least interested every month. 

But a writers gotta write, and when there is seemingly nothing to say, we can always connect with what makes us human, what makes us breathe, what gives us hope, what ignites our fire, or what we need to hear when we aren’t hearing it from anyone else. 

I consistently teach my daughter about seeking beauty and joy.  It is so incredibly easy to find, without trying, the hard, the ugly, the bad, and the ways this world will fail us over and over again.  It is a little more challenging, yet not even close to impossible, to seek out beauty in every single day, if not every single moment.  

Any day she wakes up and just doesn’t want to – we remind her, while we all have those days more frequent than we’d like to admit, she gets to choose her day, how it goes, and how to combat the stories we tell ourselves.  The stories like, “I’m too tired, I can’t do this, I don’t want to do this, I’m not good enough, I too scared.” 

But are you?

Are you too scared to try just once?  Or can you find the courage to brave a strange new step towards learning something new about yourself?

Are you honestly going to tell me you are not good enough to possibly find something breathtaking and so coherent that it is clear it was made for you to discover? 

Do you not want to do it, or you just don’t want to do it now – because wanting to do something can overthrow timing in a heartbeat; it is proven every single day by stubborn people around the world who don’t want to wait their turn, who go out and get what they actually want when they want it.

Are you really too tired?  Or did you not get enough sleep so you SHOULD be tired, but in reality, you feel okay.  Oh, and by the way - we are all tired, all the time, this world is sandpaper to the gentle, malleable souls that make up so much of our earth’s species. 

It is exhausting most of the days, but my goodness instead of saying you don’t want to, or you can’t – reframe that beautiful mind of yours and tell it, “I GET TO DO THIS”.  What a privilege it is just to live, to grow old, to find something powerful or meaningful in the mundane every day.  We take for granted and also just expect everything to work itself out, we expect to find love, have kids, own a home, find a job we love (if these are things on your life’s to do list at least and not just societal expectations placed upon you – remember, you get to choose).  But in reality, those may not come, and do not come, for everyone.  What deep rooted belief it is to think that something is happening to us when in reality – we GET to do this, we get to go through this, we get to make magic out of what seems like mountains of mud sometimes. 

The true crime is our culture has us believing there is something more glittery we need to always keep striving for, which is one big reason we are tired all the time – we’re always seeking something better.   Frame of mind can turn a hashtag blessed life into utter mess and can turn a disaster into something worth remembering at the end of one’s life.  This is it, friends: Your home, your family, your job, your friends, your hobbies, your smile, your laugh, your weekend get aways, board game nights, your easy rainy afternoons, your crazy summer days.  You get to make all of this shine as brightly as you want it to.  You have that choice, you have the opportunity to say, “I am so thankful for another day of employment, another evening with my family, another beautiful sunset, and restful night in”. 

We can discuss free will and how much choice we actually have another time, but the fact of the matter is – you could choose just to not do whatever is bogging you down.  You could find a way to make your life simple, easy, carefree, and un-challenging.  People do it all the time, hell – Panda Bears do it all the time.  But your story, your purpose, is so much bigger than you can see right now.  You’ve made it through every day thus far, you can do it again.  Don’t you want to see what is just around the corner? 

And let’s not forget, everything you have is something you once wished, dreamed, prayed, or worked for.

And how amazing it is that you can choose to do it again and again and again through eyes seeking beauty and searching joy.  Misery finds company so quickly.  The same is true for joy and beauty – the more you seek it, the more you find, the easier it is to live it.

The seasons change, some are much more bitter than others – I don’t have to list them for you, you know your hard seasons.  But then, along comes balance and you find yourself breathing lighter, smiling easier, being a bit more graceful on your feet.  (Hello to the 28 day female cycle).  It can be very easy to brace yourself the entire time as you wait for waves to crash into your sweet sandcastle of a moment.  But this is life, this is how it goes. Enjoy the moments of ease and rest because it is in these seasons that you will regain your strength to take on the harder parts again.  And the more challenging seasons – I don’t have to tell you, they build you, they create, they make you stronger to be able to endure what is yet to come; and it always comes.  Ask yourself, "what is this moment teaching me or preparing me for?"

How lucky are we to have a design so creative – it always has our backs, it is always working for us, it wants us to succeed.  [Enter your sacred word for “design/it”]

But it isn’t all up to the grand plan, right?  We must put in effort to make it what we want, what we crave. How we view everything matters.  You get to choose when you change courses and it’s never too late to pick up a new skill, talent, or find joy in something from so long ago.  This world will definitely fail you over and over again, but my goodness, don’t fail yourself.  Don’t be another human you may not be able to count on.  Keep your promises to yourself as you keep them for everyone else.  Breathe new life into everything you do.  Make it sacred.  MAKE IT ALL SACRED.  Keep it safe.  Make everything a meditation or a prayer, a ritual.  Make your entire existence so romantic that you, and everyone around you, look back on your life and realize what a fairytale you lived, and be absolutely amazed you wrote it all yourself. 

It’s been said already, January has been the longest year I have experienced in quite a while.  We all set our new years resolutions and waited for the opportunity to start them.  After holidays, snow delays, and teacher workdays, my kid has been in school for 10 full days this month, I think.  That is quite insane.  That is no time to start a fresh chapter and find routine and balance in anyone’s life.  So, this new start has been a little rocky.  I’ve decided to start the year over February first.

But we have found a lot of joy in it, we’ve taken the slow days at home with a lot of grace (coming from someone who cannot find stillness without forcing it and cannot enjoy not being productive - Hi, Trauma).  We have rested, adventured, created, and found peace in the pause. 

That is all I looked for this month, pause.  To pause moments, to capture them with every one of my senses, to really feel, and really experience, be present, and allow myself to be human.  Hot tip: Most of my moments of pause happen outside regularly.  If you can't find your peace, try getting outside, it's always waiting for you.

This month alone two of my bucket list items were fulfilled.  Not without the support of others either. 

Wheel pottery has been something that I have been drawn to for decades.  I cannot believe I was able to finally try it.  And it is everything I have ever imagined it to be.  Getting messy, being mesmerized by the spin, feeling the wet clay, creating something out of seemingly nothing, and trying to predict how the clay will react with tiny touches, but not putting that pressure or expectation on myself to make something specific happen.  I’m addicted.  Venmo me (or better yet, hire me to take your pretty photos) to help feed my very healthy addiction to wheel pottery.  I’ve never left a new experience so fulfilled and content.

ps The pieces are drying, more to come on how they turn out :)

Secondly, I have seen photos of this magical place and heard stories for years and cannot believe I finally made it there.  Joshua Tree National Park is alien-esque.  It is other worldly.  It looks like you’re walking through a painting or a really underfunded scene from an 80s tv set like the original Star Trek (to get super nerdy about it).  The colors and the sunset – I am speechless.  It was wonderful. More than wonderful, how do you describe something other worldly with this world’s language?  Help me, someone who speaks more than English give me a phrase that means something so magical and beautiful and moving that it needs something more than “magical, beautiful, and moving”. 

More on Joshua Tree in another blog post when I have my photos edited.  Stay tuned. 

So, there it is, on this grey, rainy Friday at the very end of January 2025, after a hard evening, lack of sleep, and feeling a bit less than myself externally and way more inward than I needed to be today – I give you a lot of reminders in finding beauty and joy.  I found something to say, unexpectedly.  I promised a post at the end of every month on the Journey of Beauty and consistency is key in just about everything.  Look at me, consistent in two chapters and many more to come in this promise to you, to myself, and to the ever-lasting effort of seeking joy in everyday life. 

And with that I hope you have had a beautiful month of love, joy, and above all else contentment.  If you feel like your ebbs and flows are stronger than ever, remember it is taking you places further than just back and forth.  You are taking small steps in finding what is waiting for you.  In its own time and space, it will be found.  And I cannot wait to hear all about it. 

Tell me in the comments what beautiful thing you’ve witnessed this month.  What has filled your cup, soothed your soul, made you feel alive? 

Wherever it may take you, I hope you always enjoy the journey.