resolutions or revelations?

I like to say I’m not superstitious, but I would rather just not… tempt fate, if you know what I mean.  So this New Years when I decided for the first time ever not to make new years resolutions, I was feeling a bit off about it. 

Now another thing I should tell you is that I am done making promises to myself and not following through.  I am the first person to make sure I follow through on my commitments to others.  But as an American Woman, Mom, Wife, living in 2025 I am sure most can agree that our needs, as they have for generations and probably most of human life, have been set to the side.  This year, I feel like maybe I can gain some of that back without guilt or feeling selfish.  And this year I know is the pinnacle, where if I don’t take some of that time and effort for me back – it will probably be a downhill slide quickly.  This idea is a little scary to admit or even to read but I think it is most likely more relatable than I expect, and so I'm leaving it here.  We all hit a point of no return and points of being done with our own nonsense for one reason or another.  I think I realized I was hitting mine.

New Years Resolutions have been a quiet tradition I’ve kept to myself for ever.  Little secrets that no one else has really been involved in or even interested in.  But they’ve also, like most, have gone to the wayside by February and also are a really great way to make you feel like crap about yourself the moment you break that commitment. 

This year it was suggested to me to do a Reverse Resolution by a friend, Amy Williams.  I’m sure I’m really far behind in this knowledge, but a reverse resolution is something you let go of.  You write what you don’t want in your life anymore and you burn it at midnight, and you make efforts to eliminate from your life… thus creating a better life for you. You're not adding to your to do list, you're taking away from it.

In my ripe old age, I’m now of the mindset that your resolution can start tomorrow, today even, preferably this moment. You don’t have to wait until Monday or the first of the month or New Years to make efforts to be a better you.  In fact… you shouldn’t.  Do It Now.  Do something right now to make you a better you.  Drink water, eat a snack,  go outside, create something, move your body, smile, be silly – all bare minimum things that take just a few minutes to work, but really add up to moments of loveliness that can stave off other moments of life induced rage. 

So that is what I’ve done.  This year has been a little bit magic already.  DESPITE it being a much more harsh winter than normal, and despite feeling a little cooped up and out of sorts, its been a few months of change.  Small Change.  Lasting Change.  Change that has consistently grown, expanded, built on itself.  And it feels good. 

Consistency they say is where it is at, even though the momentum is hard to catch.  But if you are consistently making change in the right direction the starts and stops feel a bit more manageable and okay, not evil.  Just feeling good feels good.  Just actively choosing to give compassion, let people off the hook more, and invite something beautiful in more than every once in a while.

I know it’s the end of February and you’re probably thinking, why in the world are we talking about January still.  It’s all connected, friends.  In hindsight it always makes sense.  The shifts, the changes, the things that happen, the moments we’ve created, the things we have now are the things we’ve asked for before. And while I am all about living in the present, its important to look back to see your growth and how far you’ve come and let it guide you to where you want to go, how you want to shift your perspective or your journey's course.  It’s an amazing gift that we all have to see that we do change, everything changes, we can purposefully change if we want to – even when we feel stuck. 

Last month I was able to take my first big girl trip since having my daughter.  A work trip.  I traveled for work.  Still feels weird to say that as I haven’t been able to say that since right after I graduated college over 10 years ago (eek).  It was an experience.  I was able to step out of the fog a little bit.  The fog of normal every day-to-day life and regain a little bit of 1. Independence, 2. Confidence… self-sufficiency, trust in myself, courage and bravery, the ability to hold a conversation with an adult outside my normal circle and maintain the trajectory of that conversation to other conversations.  Etc. etc etc. 

I was all the way on the other side of the country, my husband and my daughter did just fine without me (take that as you will: sometimes it’s a dagger, sometimes it’s a reason to pop champagne). I was able to learn and grow in a professional capacity.  I got to find joy and laugh with new friends.  I was able to create a small sense of self all over again in a brand-new world to me.  It was so refreshing. 

AND, I took myself on a day of adventure.  Just me and my rental car and whatever I wanted to listen to. TO AN OASIS. 

You know in some cartoons where a character is traipsing across the desert and has a hallucination of palm trees all clumped together near a beautiful pool of water…

THOSE ACTUALLY EXIST. 

And they are so beautiful. 

Like I knew it was a thing, but it’s a thing that you don’t really get to talk about or experience because who is actually in the middle of a desert that often?  But I was there.  A domino effect of perfect circumstances led me to that place in that moment of time and space.  How beautiful.  

When you go out west and you find yourself in the middle of unironically-cool Palm Springs, and you travel about 40 minutes outside of town where city becomes mountain and mountains become hills and hills become sand you can “hike” through that sand to reach an actual oasis.  And I use HIKE in quotations because even though you aren’t hiking anywhere, you are definitely trudging along through inches of soft sand, in flip flops with camera equipment if you’re me, for a couple of hours knowing logically you’re getting closer and closer to the actual group of trees but somehow it legit gets farther and farther away the more you walk.

It reminds me of the moment in one of my absolute favorite movies, The Labyrinth, when Sara’s little brother is just taken, and The Goblin King has just shown her the clock at the entrance to the Labyrinth and he disappears and she says “It doesn’t look that hard.  Well, COM'MON FEET”.  But it is hard, and she did say it was unfair how long it was taking many times.  That is exactly what it felt like.  But instead of unfair, it felt like a play on reality – it was surreal - how nothing is what it seems, ever.  

What it was, was a really fun day.  I walked by myself and saw the beauty that the desert has to offer.  I walked in silence. (Silently listening for rattles after realizing I was in short shorts in the middle of the desert with zero leg and foot protection… and then I realized there are probably ticks in the desert too!  Boy do I have some stupid moments when I’m not responsible for keeping a little human alive.  Let’s just all have some grace and compassion, thank the stars I didn’t get bit by anything, and just call me a messy work in progress).     I adventured to have fun and bring new experiences.  It was foreign because I’m so used to creating a plan to make the members of my family happy individually and collectively – but rarely what I would like.  In the end, while I missed them and wanted them to be apart of it, and see it all with me, it was a chance to bring new life into old dreams.  It is like being a painter and finally going through the closet of projects that never got finished.  You get to look at them with fresh eyes and new skills and much more wisdom and lots of practice and you get to make them something new again.  And that is beautiful. 

I also got to experience IN and OUT Burger for the first time ever.  And I’m sad that it will be the last time for a really long time.  ::insert toddler like attitude here::

I found beautiful people to fill my life.  I got to visit beautiful people who have been in my life for a very long time.  I was warm for a week.  I took beautiful photos in a beautiful location and started momentum for change in a new direction and a whole new way to fill my cup.

I am grateful for it all. 

I guess the moral of this story, if I even really need one, is to remember that you can be inspired, make new moves, create new paths, be someone different starting tomorrow.  You can be the same person with new ideas or new points of view.  You can spark new interest.  You can choose the path of what you’ve always done or see what happens when you take the fork in the road. 

I'm just realizing, this may be the blog of old cliches.  Sorry about that, I'll work on finding new words for old ideas.

No one is coming to save you.  This is exactly where you are meant to be.  You get to decide where you want to go next.  And for sure there are seasons where you may feel a little stagnant – but change can be right around the corner if you want it to be. 

When you’re feeling  a little sticky ask for something different and then take the opportunity when it appears. 

Tell me in the comments what beautiful thing you’ve witnessed this month.  What changes you’ve made, what have you done differently lately?

If you’re just joining me, A Journey of Beautiful Things is a monthly series that I write to bring to light the most precious moments I’ve witnessed, felt, or created – amidst all the chaotic noise I live through daily.  It’s a chance for you to get to know me a little better.  The person behind the camera is actually a person beyond the camera.  The person you’re letting into your life to capture your most precious moments.  This is a chance for us to connect and to relate with one another.  I’m a Woman, a Wife, a Mom – not necessarily always in that order – just trying my very hardest to leave some good behind when I go and I know you are too.   

If you need to catch up here are the most recent chapters released:

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Wherever it may take you, I hope you always enjoy the journey.