You may be expecting the exclusive story of Nerissa and Kevin's love.

But that is a story for them to tell. 

These are some of the realizations I've had while also watching Nerissa blossom and transition into who she really is meant to be. 

And loving every moment of the process for her. 

As I have become the mom of a now school aged kid this past year, I've been thinking a lot about age lately.  Getting older.  Who I was then versus who I am now.  

I've been thinking about the things we trade as we age.  The nostalgia of being young and having it all and our whole lives ahead of us.  The ability to believe you are truly invincible.  All of the energy - to literally do everything.  The excitement of the unknown and the independence you craved but have no idea what to do with as you stumble through it all.  

And sometimes it didn't even feel like stumbling - it felt like flying.  

As we age, we trade the excitement for dependability.  We are now responsible, reliable, we know schedule and routine.  We may have kids and we may have solid careers.  Every day feels the same, and we may complain about it - but if a wrench is thrown in spontaneously... there's a lot to say about that too.  Sometimes we look at our children, or just the youth of today and think "oh to be young again - and have it all" 

But I've been asking ... did we really have it all, or like the grandmother who has obtained selective amnesia of how difficult it really is to raise children, are we forgetting the really hard parts? 

The world is hard and scary now, but our generation sees that as nothing new -  the economy isn't great again, there is war and famine and political strife STILL - and another nationwide college sit-in regarding yet another international injustice.  

But maybe we can pay our bills a little easier, maybe we have gained control of our health in one way or another - erased a few bad habits here and there.  Maybe we care about our appearance less but our hearts more.  Maybe we watch tv less, maybe we've picked up a book again.  Maybe we are finding experiences that are fulfilling instead of material items to keep up with the next door neighbor.  

Maybe we are seeking joy and leaning into the space of contentment instead of searching for happiness and constant stimulation.  

Maybe we are stuck in a moment of wanting both - youth and wisdom.  That transition may be one of the hardest ones to overcome for some - aside from parenthood because nothing can prepare you for that transition. 

If you're like me you've looked back at a big moment, like your wedding, buying your first house, having your first kid, college, and said "if I could that again, I would do it this way." But the biggest part of that realization is that you would have never known that you would have preferred to do it any other way - without the age and the wisdom that comes with it.  

Aging is part of the wisdom that we gain from hindsight.  

So when maybe you get the opportunity to do something again - having a second child, buying a second home, getting married again - you get do it with wisdom. 

and how much gratitude comes with that?  This is a rhetorical question of course.

You get to pick out the BLACK dress that you want instead of the white one that we've all been told we should be wearing to our weddings.  You get to only invite the people who really, truly fill your cup and lift you up - not the obligatory invites from your parents must have list.  You get to do away with the parts of the day that just don't serve your relationship and add in the parts that SCREAM you.  

If you didn't find the person the first go around, you get another chance to say I DO a partner who is truly a compliment to who you are - not your "better half" as you were once told to find.  Because now, with age and wisdom  you know... you are your own better whole, there is no one to complete you but you.  We are seeking the person to come home to at the end of another day that may look just like yesterday and will continue to look like every day ahead for the foreseeable future in this season of your life.  You get to laugh, cry, and be heard, felt seen, and stumble - or fly - through every season with the person that will catch you and run with you.  

So maybe the young don't have it all - they just have what we miss, which is the innocence and the carefree living that comes with not knowing how big the world is and how delicate our lives are.  

But because we know how wide the world may be and how careful we must be with everything in it - we know how precious it is to take each breath.  We know gratitude and trust.  We know how to shed away what doesn't matter any more in search of finding what truly does.  And we get to do all of this with the person that is right in the here and now - not who we are told will probably be good for forever, if nothing changes ... ever. 

An epiphany within this realization is that this conversation - of age and wisdom vs youth - is probably part of the natural progression of aging.  And we are probably all thinking similar things, in our own time of transition.  And its this internal debate, ebb and flow, juxtaposition, fight or flight, that really helps us move forward. 

I know that life gets sweeter, its not over, the thirties only feel hard because it is a decade of time that seems one large grey area.

Its the puberty of adulthood.

And in the end, it is our closest loves that show us the way.  How to shed the unwanted and move ahead with our dreams - the real ones.  The ones we dream all by ourselves, without the influence of any one else.  

Nerissa and Kevin were married in October 2023 on a gorgeous day in Waterford Michigan.  Their microwedding was held at Victoria's Wedding Chapel - a quaint, historical wedding venue that has frozen moments in time.  They then moved the party to The Fed in Clarkston, a renovated bank that serves posh drinks, good food, and where history meets modern ambiance.  

And I couldn't be more happy for them and the life they have found together.  

So tell me in the comments - lets finish the discussion of age, wisdom, youth, and all we really need is love.  What are your epiphanies as you age?  What are you realizations that catch your breath and make you think that maybe getting older really is the gift that keeps on giving.